Just for starters . . .

Q. Didn’t you ask for donations twelve months ago?

A. Yes. It’s an annual appeal.

Q. Why don’t you have an ongoing appeal, year-round, like the Organizer-in-Chief?

A. I’m not that greedy, arrogant, or delusional.

Q. Instead of sending $10 or $25 every year, couldn’t I just make a onetime contribution of $1 million?

A. OK.

Q. If I contribute $100, will I get to have dinner with the Politickler?

A. Sure. Just say when and bring the food. (For $200, you can have dinner with someone else.)

Make a Paypal donation today by clicking the “Donate” button at the top of the right sidebar.

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

HILLARITY
“Though she’s ugly, dishonest, and mean,
Just the wickedest witch ever seen,
She’s the best that we’ve got,
So let’s give her a shot
And elect her in Twenty-Sixteen.”

From the archive:

HILL OF BEANS
“Oh, for goodness sake:
I made a little mistake!
So I lied and lied
And people died:
What difference does it make?”
(2013)

MATE
Mrs. Clinton considers her play:
“Why, just look what befell JFK!
Look at Garfield and Lincoln,
McKinley — I’m thinkin’
Vice president might be okay.”
(2008)

RUN FOR THE ROSE GARDEN
In her desperate bid for the crown,
She has found herself trailing Big Brown;
At the end of the race
Looms a lame second place
And the prospect of being put down.
(2008)

THE END
Though I’m no Clinton fan, I do find,
As support for his wife has declined,
That I’m actually beginning
To wish she were winning,
‘Cause I can’t stand to see her behind.
(2008)

THE POLITICS OF
PERSONAL CONSTRUCTION
“I brought Belfast the peace they desire
And in Bosnia dodged sniper fire!
I’m impossibly grand
And cannot understand
Why I’m called an incorrigible liar!”
(2008)

H STANDS FOR HATE
Hillary’s known for intolerant views:
She hates blacks, she hates Christians and Jews,
She hates soldiers and cops
And all men who aren’t fops –
She’s the candidate haters will choose.
(2008)

RERUN FOR PRESIDENT
“Now at last is my destiny reached!”
Mrs. Megalomaniac screeched,
And follow she will
In the footsteps of Bill
When a Clinton again is impeached.
(2008)

TAILSPIN
She knew that she would win,
But she took it on the chin;
Now she’s lost the crown
And she’s spiraling down,
Still believing in her own spin.
(2008)

INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN
On a fantasy Hillary fed
‘Til reality reared its huge head:
As her poll numbers drop,
She will have to close shop
And admit that her life’s dream is dead.
(2007)

THREE AMEBAS
Barack, John, and Hill are not reticent:
In the White House they mean to be resident.
Seems they learned how to rule
Back in nursery school
And are fully prepared to be president.
(2007)

PILING ON
Resentment tends to linger
When roguish rivals zing her:
As Hilly pouts,
Her hubby spouts
And wags his index finger.
(2007)

MADAM PRESIDENT
She has shown she knows how to succeed,
And the public no longer pays heed
To the old rumor mill
And her problems with Bill:
Yes, Lewinski is destined to lead!
(2007)

PETTY DETAILS
Mrs. Clinton, you certainly are
The most loving pet owner by far!
(We’ll ignore the twin shocks
Of abandoning Socks,
Letting Buddy get hit by a car.)
(2007)

COMING 2 TERMS
Despite limits to presidents’ terms,
As a certain Amendment affirms,
Mrs. Old Two-for-One
Won’t admit that she’s done,
Having already shared her two terms.
(2007)

HILL’RY REDNECK CLINTON
“Hoosiers, hillbillies, dis is yer year!
Rednecks, crackers, doan be afeard!
Shucks! Gosh! an’ Dang!
Doanchu jes love mah twang?
Git yer fust lady prezdent rat cheer!”
(2007)

HILLARY TAKES A STAND
“Being asked for my views on morality,
I must say I believe in equality:
I agree with your view
And the opposite, too
– It depends on the date and locality.”
(2007)

MEGALOMANIA
Hillary’s coy “conversation” is shrill
And her friends all agree she’s a pill;
The poor woman’s insane
If she thinks she will reign
As the distaff edition of Bill!
(2007)

CONVENTIONAL SPOUSE
“It’s a bitter-to-swallow pill
(And you know that I’ve had my fill),
But, if that’s all I get,
Then I’ll have to accept
Introducing my husband, Bill.”
(2004)

HILLARY’S DILEMMA
“If I run against Bush, I might lose.
If I balk and the voters should choose
Some Democrat elf,
I’ll be stuck on the shelf
For another eight years paying dues.”
(2004)

BLONDE AMBITION
“If I take second place to some worm
And prepare him a berth on the berm,
Then, when he’s gone
And it’s time to move on,
I’ll be able to serve out his term.”
(2004)

HILLAREEN
What compares to the horrible fright
That will haunt us on Halloween night?
Consider the fear,
As elections draw near,
Ghoulish candidates soon will excite!
(2003)

LYING HISTORY
A librarian with conviction,
Finding too much contradiction
In a certain book
By a noted crook,
Had it classified as “fiction.”
(2003)

BUBBA BATH
Eight years of the Clintons in power
Leave a taste in the mouth that is sour
And an overall sense
That we need a good rinse
And should spend extra time in the shower.
(2000)

WILL THEY EVER LEAVE?
The mood of the people is clear
As November’s election draws near:
We’ve had more than our fill
Of Al, Hill, and Bill
And we wish they would all disappear.
(2000)

HILLARY’S CONVICTION
The First Lady’s a post-modern wife
In responding to marital strife:
She’ll stand by her man
As long as she can,
‘Cause it’s better than “20 to Life.”
(1998)

Last week’s limerick:

POST GRAD
“Only oldsters like me will still know
What those cities were called long ago
– Hallowed names they once had,
Those now ending in –grad:
San Francisco, St. Louis, St. Joe.”

Mass times and readings

Got frog legs? Wear long pants and no one will notice.

Sitting down for a meal with the Politickler is just not a chance many people — including me — will ever get.

That’s why you’d be crazy not to at least give this a shot.

We’re drawing the first winner tonight at midnight.*

Pitch in $2 or whatever you can to be entered to sit down for a meal with the Politickler.

Consider this: Last year, Barry, a community organizer from Chicago, opened an email about having dinner with the Politickler. He pitched in a few dollars to support the May Day Appeal, figuring “Why not?”

Weeks later, the Politickler was offering him a frog leg from across the table.

So if you think that could never be you, remember that Barry thought that, too.

Make a Paypal donation online by clicking the “Donate” button at the top of the right sidebar.

Good luck,

Rufus D. Doofus
National Director
Organizing for a Miracle

*Winner assumes all costs associated with the dinner.

Where this corny idea came from

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

POST GRAD
“Only oldsters like me can still know
What those cities were called long ago
– Hallowed names they once had,
Those now ending in –grad:
San Francisco, St. Louis, St. Joe.”

From the archive:

INTELLIGENT DESIGN
Did this limerick just appear?
Was this limerick always here?
Surely you know it
Betokens a poet
Like Duplantier, Nash, or Lear.
(2001)

POLITICKLES REVIEWED
Conservatives say it’s a gas,
But liberals give it a pass:
My verse is a mirror
That shows their flaws clearer,
And they hate what they see in the glass!
(2000)

Last week’s limerick:

PULL!
With much practice, a trap shooter hones
His precision with shotguns he owns,
But his targets today
Are not made out of clay:
In his backyard, he’s shooting down drones.

Mass times and readings

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

PULL!
With much practice, a trap shooter hones
His precision with shotguns he owns,
But his targets today
Are not made out of clay:
In his backyard, he’s shooting down drones.

From the archive:

DREAM JOB
“How things change from day to day,
What’s taboo becomes okay:
Though once arrested
For having molested,
I now work for TSA!”
(2011)

JANET’S LAW IS COMING TO TOWN
You’d rather opt out?
You’d better get scanned,
Cause if you opt out
You’ll get a cold hand:
Janet’s Law is coming to town.

She’s lining you up
And checking you twice,
Couldn’t care less who’s naughty or nice:
Janet’s Law is coming to town.

She sees you when you’re naked,
She knows what’s in your slacks,
She knows that you and grandma could
Launch some terrorist attacks!

O! You’d rather opt out?
You’d better get scanned,
Cause if you opt out
You’ll get a cold hand:
Janet’s Law is coming to town,
Janet’s Law is coming to town.
(2010)

SAFETY FIRST
A student in junior high classes
Spotted several suspicious young lasses,
But the principal said
He was out of his head
And forbade him to wear x-ray glasses.
(2010)

NEW DEPARTS
When I travel by air now and then,
The security staff wave me in:
I don’t have to be scoped
Or publicly groped,
I just hand them a nude 8×10.
(2010)

TAKEOFF
“With security lapses reviewed
On Flight 253, we conclude:
Due to differing beliefs
About bombs in one’s briefs,
Every passenger now must fly nude.”
(2010)

WELCOME TO AMERICA
“You illegally crossed our border?
You’re a drugs and weapons importer?
You’re a sociopath
Spewing venomous wrath?
Yes, everything seems in order.”
(2002)

ZERO TOLERANCE
When the stewardess gave it a tug,
I complained that my seatbelt was “snug.”
She said I’d regret
That insidious threat:
“Backwards, ‘snug’ spells ‘guns,’ you lug!”
(2002)

PROFILES IN CARNAGE
Multiculturalism assails
Common sense until it fails:
Screeners x-ray granny
And pat down the nanny,
But ignore young Arab males.
(2002)

Last week’s limerick:

REVERSE RIDE
Listen, my children, and you shall hear
Of the Boylston St. bombers’ brief career:
How demagogues avidly used the alarm
To bully their betters and make them disarm
And a people once free succumbed to their fear.

Mass times and readings

Q. Why are there no unicorns anymore?

A. They were the only same-sex couple on the Ark..

Bob’s Other Riddles:

Q. What are the two methods of electing a new pope?

Q. Why is Obama so supportive of Big Bird?

Q. What did Russell Crowe say when a search party found him?

Q. Why are pretty nurses unhealthy?

Q. What’s the difference between a heart attack and a bear attack?

Q. What do people shout when Mardi Gras falls on St. Patrick’s Day?

Q. What do you call a riot at a Chinese restaurant?

Q. What’s the difference between firewood and cashews?

Q. How do you tell a good nun from a bad nun?