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  • Jul 06 / 2020
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Your Weekly Politickle: MASK CHARADE

MASK CHARADE
“Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!
I’m as virtuous as can be!”
Says the proud, preening prig
With his chest puffed up big.
Then you look and there’s nothing to see.

From the archive

HELTER SHELTER
I can’t breathe with this mask on my face!
Social distancing wastes too much space!
Though I try to comply,
I just have to ask why
All the healthy must shelter in place.
(2020)

DEAF, DUMB, AND BLIND
So, now everyone’s blaming The WHO
For not stopping the CCP flu.
Did the singers of “Tommy”
Unleash this tsunami?
What a thing for a rock band to do!
(2020)

DUMB ON ARRIVAL
“Where am I? The Emergency Room?
My intestines just upped and went boom?
Why’d the president preach
About Lysol and bleach
If I wasn’t supposed to consume?”
(2020)

PANNED MEDIC
Dr. Fauci has long been in bed
With Bill Gates, the old Microsoft head:
Though he tried to inspire us
With a fear of the virus,
His vaccine is what scares us instead.
(2020)

COFFEE BREAK
When you offered to hire us [cough, cough],
We did not have the virus [cough, cough].
Rest assured, then, that we [cough],
Are still virus-free [cough],
So there’s no need to fire us [cough, cough].
(2020)

INSANITIZING
I have followed the experts’ commands,
Blocking access to all of my glands:
There’s not one single trace
Of a germ on my face,
And I’ve scrubbed all the skin off my hands.
(2020)

CORONARYVIRUS
There once was a woman named Beth
Who experienced shortness of breath:
The Wuhan Flu panic
Was making her manic,
And the fretter was frightened to death.
(2020)

THE GIRL WITH EMPHYSEMA
Tall and tan and young and lovely
The girl with emphysema starts coughing
And when she passes, each one she passes goes “ew!”

When she coughs, they think it’s the virus
That came from the lab in Wuhan, China
And when she passes, each one she passes goes “ew!”

Oh, but she hasn’t a fever
Though she does have trouble breathing
But, still, they all are aghast
That she isn’t wearing a mask
And they’re sure that she must have the flu

Tall and tan and young and lovely
The girl with emphysema starts coughing
And when she passes, they cry
She should be quarantined.
(2020)

Last week’s limerick

’STHAT YOU?
You’re a preening, illiterate fool
Who learned nothing but nonsense in school,
So you sneer and you frown
And pull monuments down,
Never knowing you’re used as a tool.

  • Jun 29 / 2020
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Your Weekly Politickle: ‘STHAT YOU?

’STHAT YOU?
You’re a preening, illiterate fool
Who learned nothing but nonsense in school,
So you sneer and you frown
And pull monuments down,
Never knowing you’re used as a tool.

From the archive

BUSTED
While we’re kicking up such a big fuss
Over statues of men valorous,
Plowing history asunder,
Do we even once wonder:
Are the statues embarrassed by us?
(2017)

MEMORIAL DAY
If you’re honest and also well-bred,
You’ll pay homage to all who have bled
– Wearing blue, wearing gray –
And on this special day
Also honor Confederate dead.
(2017)

HALF MOON
Once New Orleans was drained by a ditch,
But progressives effected a switch
And the money for draining
Was then used for campaigning:
Thanks for taking down monuments, Mitch!
(2017)

SYMBOL-MINDED
When the persons we honor today
Turn out to have had feet of clay,
When our heavily hyped heroes
Are exposed as mere zeroes,
What a lesson their statues convey!
(2012)

Last week’s limerick

FATHER’S DEITY
Every Christian understands
That his fate is in God’s hands,
That he needs to pray
And let the day
Unfold as God commands.

  • Jun 22 / 2020
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Your Weekly Politickle: FATHER’S DEITY

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

FATHER’S DEITY
Every Christian understands
That his fate is in God’s hands,
That he needs to pray
And let the day
Unfold as God commands.

From the archive

NO FARTHER
“Father’s Day rolls around and (oh, brother!),
If it’s not one weird thing, it’s another.
Meet my current stepdad,
The third one that I’ve had:
He’s now trying to pass as my mother.”
(2015)

DAD RECKONING
“Though my comments may sometimes offend
And it seem I’ve gone off the deep end,
I’m determined to see
You live longer than me:
I’m your father and not just your friend.”
(2014)

HAPPY WHATEVER’S DAY!
“Is your father a man? I’m so glad.
That’s the kind that I wish that I had –
One that’s not a pretender,
One that is the right gender –
But my mother’s butch lover’s my ‘dad.’”
(2013)

POP PSYCHOLOGY
What a fashion sense he had,
Mixing stripes and checks with plaid!
And the jokes that he told,
All so corny and old!
How I miss my dear old dad!
(2011)

THE INVISIBLE MAN
Someone opened a devilish door
Without caring what might lie in store:
Disconnected from “donors,”
Single mothers are loners
And their kids don’t have dads anymore.
(2010)

FATHER TIME
Twenty years ago I lost my dad
And the loss to this day makes me sad,
But I’m glad he was there
In my formative years
And can cherish the time that we had.
(2009)

POOR DAD
“I’ve been poor since the day of my birth
And may die with a negative worth;
Though I live on the skids,
With my wonderful kids,
I’m the wealthiest man on the earth!”
(2007)

LONE CHENEY
“Mommy, why did you do something bad?
Mommy, why did you make me so sad?
Mommy, what will you say
When I ask you one day,
‘Mommy, why don’t I have my own Dad?’”
(2007)

FATHERS STAY
The third Sunday in June will be gray
For the sons and the daughters who may
Not remember the dad
That they never quite had
’Cause he left them and went far away.
(2006)

Last week’s limerick

QED
Throw some bricks and make glass shatter,
Cap some cops and make blood splatter,
Riot and pillage,
Burn down your own village:
That’ll show that black lives matter.

  • Jun 15 / 2020
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Your Weekly Politickle: QED

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

QED
Throw some bricks and make glass shatter,
Cap some cops and make blood splatter,
Riot and pillage,
Burn down your own village:
That’ll show that black lives matter.

From the archive

NO FARTHER
“Father’s Day rolls around and (oh, brother!),
If it’s not one weird thing, it’s another.
Meet my current stepdad,
The third one that I’ve had:
He’s now trying to pass as my mother.”
(2015)

DAD RECKONING
“Though my comments may sometimes offend
And it seem I’ve gone off the deep end,
I’m determined to see
You live longer than me:
I’m your father and not just your friend.”
(2014)

HAPPY WHATEVER’S DAY!
“Is your father a man? I’m so glad.
That’s the kind that I wish that I had –
One that’s not a pretender,
One that is the right gender –
But my mother’s butch lover’s my ‘dad.’”
(2013)

POP PSYCHOLOGY
What a fashion sense he had,
Mixing stripes and checks with plaid!
And the jokes that he told,
All so corny and old!
How I miss my dear old dad!
(2011)

THE INVISIBLE MAN
Someone opened a devilish door
Without caring what might lie in store:
Disconnected from “donors,”
Single mothers are loners
And their kids don’t have dads anymore.
(2010)

FATHER TIME
Twenty years ago I lost my dad
And the loss to this day makes me sad,
But I’m glad he was there
In my formative years
And can cherish the time that we had.
(2009)

POOR DAD
“I’ve been poor since the day of my birth
And may die with a negative worth;
Though I live on the skids,
With my wonderful kids,
I’m the wealthiest man on the earth!”
(2007)

LONE CHENEY
“Mommy, why did you do something bad?
Mommy, why did you make me so sad?
Mommy, what will you say
When I ask you one day,
‘Mommy, why don’t I have my own Dad?’”
(2007)

FATHERS STAY
The third Sunday in June will be gray
For the sons and the daughters who may
Not remember the dad
That they never quite had
’Cause he left them and went far away.
(2006)

Last week’s limerick

RIOT ON CUE
“Don’t blame us if your city’s destroyed:
We just happen to have been employed
To spark riots and looting
(With no fear of cops shooting)
As a tribute to the life of George Floyd.

  • Jun 08 / 2020
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Your Weekly Politickle: RIOT ON CUE

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

RIOT ON CUE
“Don’t blame us if your city’s destroyed:
We just happen to have been employed
To spark riots and looting
(With no fear of cops shooting)
As a tribute to the life of George Floyd.”

From the archive

MOB TRAINING
“That’s not right! That’s not it! No, no, no!
You’re supposed to be rhyming with ‘go.’
Please remember the rhyme.
Get it right this time.
Once again: ‘Hey, hey! Ho, ho!’”
(2018)

POLICE, COME BACK!
“When the ‘protesting’ finally stops
And the fires have died down in the shops,
We’ll be too scared to roam
In what’s left of our home
And we’ll wish we could bring back the cops.”
(2015)

PRESIDENT EVIL
Open borders and mass immigration,
Homosexual indoctrination,
Racial riots and war:
That’s what he has in store,
That’s Obama’s macabre “transformation.”
(2014)

BARRYCADE
Many ugly and arrogant faces
Overrun and defile public places;
While Obama and spouse
Violate the White House,
We’ll ignore other occupied spaces.
(2011)

UP WITH POULPE
Organizing a movement’s no small feat,
Nor securing a venue where all meet:
See the cephalopods,
Queued in querulous squads,
Launch a protest called Octopi Wall Street.
(2011)

IN USE
At Zuccotti Park we tried,
But the line was long outside.
Can someone please show
Us a good place to go
That’s not currently occupied?
(2011)

THE PRICE IS RIOT
A new cell phone or VCR?
CD player to put in your car?
Don’t bother to buy it,
Just set off a riot,
Get it free at the bandits’ bazaar.
(2001)

POLICE, THANK YOU!
Promise next time you see one you’ll stop,
When out for a stroll or to shop,
And give him a hand
For taking a stand:
It’s the least you can do for a cop.
(2001)

Last week’s limerick

RATS!
Life in prison or maybe a trip
To the gallows, unless you now flip,
Help expose all the plots,
The ones calling the shots,
And abandon this fast-sinking ship.

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