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  • Dec 02 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: BRIAR PATCH

BRIAR PATCH
“I surrender and beseech thee:
Though I know you’d like to teach me
A lesson or two,
I beg of you,
Please, please, please, do not impeach me!”

Lagniappe

RUDOLPH THE HARD-NOSED LAWYER
Rudolph the Hard-Nosed Lawyer
Had some very scary foes,
And if you ever had some
You would know how that goes.

All of the local riffraff
Used to laugh and call him names,
They couldn’t get good Rudolph
To join in any riffraff games.

Then one Foggy Bottom eve,
Donald came to say,
“Rudolph, with your hard-nosed fight,
Won’t you drain the swamp tonight?”

Then all the riffraff loathed him,
And they shouted out, “We’ll plea!
Rudolph the Hard-Nosed Lawyer,
We’ll go down in ignomy.”

RUDY*
You’ve printed out your list and trolled us with your glassy stare
Rudy, are you contemplating throwing us somewhere?
Handwriting on the wall says we’re penitentiary-bound
Oh Rudy, don’t take us lowlifes down

It’s hard to justify a life that’s bent and compromised
And the wants and the needs of our criminal ways. Rudy, we realize
That it won’t be long: We’ve heard them say we’re penitentiary-bound
Oh Rudy, don’t take us lowlifes down
*To the tune of Kenny Rogers’ “Ruby”

 

Last week’s limerick

GOOD MORNING
Every morning I wake up and pray
And give thanks for what might come my way,
’Cause I never expected
To be resurrected
And given the gift of this day.

  • Nov 25 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: GOOD MORNING

GOOD MORNING
Every morning I wake up and pray
And give thanks for what might come my way,
’Cause I never expected
To be resurrected
And given the gift of this day.

From the archive

THANK GOD
T the time we have to run,
H the hope of heaven won,
A the angels to guide,
N the needs supplied,
K the kingdom of His Son.
(2018)

TODA!
“Thanks for everything!” should be our motto:
If we’re grateful, then how can we not crow
“Thank you! Thank you so much!”
“Merci!” “Danke!” and such,
“Xie xie!” “Grazie!” “Shukran!” “Arrigato!”?
(2017)

YUGE MEAL
Trump has won, there’s no way to annul it:
Celebrate with a Thanksgiving pullet,
But, before you eat, nod
And be grateful to God
That our country has just dodged a bullet.
(2016)

REMEMBERED
“Like so many, I usually feel
That Thanksgiving is not a big deal.
As it once more draws near,
I feel different this year:
I’m invited somewhere for a meal.”
(2015)

COLD TURKEY
Though our Thanksgiving customs are charming,
Experts say one such custom is harming
Our environment and planet
And they may have to ban it:
This man-made, oven-based gobbler warming.
(2014)

TURKEY SURPRISE
“Maw, I cain’t get the butcherin’ done.
You an’ Granny had both better run:
That big turkey’s a-fussin’
An’ comin’ for us’n –
With my hatchet and Paw’s 12-gauge gun!”
(2013)

THANK GOD!
This Thanksgiving, may families join ranks
And remember to fill in the blanks:
So expression of gratitude
May be more than a platitude,
Let’s acknowledge to Whom we give thanks.
(2012)

LEFTOVERS
Thursday’s carcass long after supplies
Turkey Sandwiches, Stews, and Pot Pies;
Turkey Omelets, Fettucini,
Casseroles, Tetrazzini;
Turkey Gumbo, à la King, and Surprise.
(2011)

DRESS CODE
We showed up in our holiday best,
With the exception of one honored guest,
So the dinner was late
And we all had to wait
Because “Tom” was not properly dressed.
(2010)

ASK AND RECEIVE
The poor Tinman is lacking a heart,
While the Scarecrow is not very smart;
And the King of the Forest,
Expected to roar best,
Is reluctant to play a brave part.
(2009)

OOH LA LA!
A fried turkey injected with spice,
Shrimp-stuffed mirlitons and dirty rice,
Pecan pie, oyster dressing –
How we rush through the blessing!
Yes, a Creole Thanksgiving is nice.
(2008)

GRATITUDE
If you’re thankful for your lot
And all the things you’ve got,
Then say a prayer
And give a care
For someone on the spot.
(2007)

FAVORITE DISH
How much better can Thanksgiving get?
In my bedroom a 60-inch set,
And in HD displayed
This year’s Macy’s Parade:
Waking up to a scrumptious Rockette!
(2007)

SATIETY
With the turkey and trimmings procured,
Our Thanksgiving repast is assured,
But it won’t be complete
’Til we sit down to eat
And the family’s as stuffed as the bird.
(2006)

CIRCULAR SAUCE
If your husband’s a Thanksgiving fan
And a cranberry sauce kind of man,
You might make him a batch
Of the sauce all from scratch,
But he’ll miss that weird goop in the can!
(2005)

THANKSGIVING
Lord, we ask of you a boon:
To bless our guests this noon.
We’re so grateful they
Could come today –
And have to leave real soon!
(2004)

GOBBLER
Hold your horses; we’re not in a race.
Get that drumstick away from your face.
Now put your fork down
And stop making that frown.
You can eat when we finish the grace.
(2003)

Last week’s limerick

TELEPHONE GAME
Donald Trump must be made to make amends
For the phone call he stoutly defends,
Say the ones who didn’t hear him
But have reason to fear him:
Adam Schiff and nefarious friends.

  • Nov 18 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: TELEPHONE GAME


TELEPHONE GAME
Donald Trump must be made to make amends
For the phone call he stoutly defends,
Say the ones who didn’t hear him
But have reason to fear him:
Adam Schiff and nefarious friends.

From the archive

2020 VISION
Every “truth” in their credulous creed
Was instilled by the MSM feed:
How their heads will explode
When the false “facts” erode
And the real truth comes out at warp speed!
(2019)

JOE BRIBIN’
“There’s no conflict for me or for Sonny –
That’s a fact, even if it sounds funny.
You can trust me,” says Joe,
“There was no quid pro quo
When we traded influence for money.”
(2019)

TDS
Are these symptoms familiar to you:
Bulging eyes and pinched lips turning blue,
Heart a-pounding (thump thump)
At the mention of Trump,
Raw emotions and lowered IQ?
(2018)

ENEMEDIA
When you’re constantly taking sides
With a narrative that divides,
When you won’t play it straight
As the Fourth Estate,
You’ve surrendered your bona fides.
(2018)

HOGGWASH
“Receive our wisdom, peasants,
And be grateful for our presence
As your benefactors,”
Say anchors and actors,
Athletes, and adolescents.
(2018)

GATEKEEPERS
Academia’s vetting our views,
Mainstream media’s spinning our news,
But they seem to forget
That it’s all on the Net:
Their distortions are not what we choose.
(2017)

NEWS SURREAL
Mainstream media’s known to suffuse
Its reports with particular views:
With this bias abundant,
It’s absurdly redundant
To call what it offers “fake news.”
(2017)

SELF-ANOINTED
“How can anyone belie us
Or suggest we bear a bias?
Our head-tilted-back poses
Let you see up our noses,
Proving we’re ever so pious.”
(2017)

TWITS
It may be just the biggest lie ever,
Making saner sorts say, “Well, I never!”
But celebrities tweet it
And you have to repeat it
If you want to sound current and clever.
(2014)

PROJECTIONISTS
It’s a simple, effective deceit:
Those called “racist” are doomed to defeat,
Yet the ones with most gall,
The most racist of all,
Are the pandering liberal elite.
(2014)

DETOX
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.
(2014)

FIFTH COLUMN
Our brave battle for self-preservation
Must address the domestic predation
Of those traitors and fools
– All those socialist tools –
Who are hoping to change our great nation.
(2011)

THE BURROWERS
“Just like Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow,
We’re committed, determined, and thorough:
In the media, the schools,
With our radical rules,
We’re the moles that unceasingly burrow.”
(2011)

THE RULES
“We can tell filthy lies about you
And there’s nothing at all you can do,
But we’ll make such a fuss
If you criticize us –
Even if what you say is quite true.”
(2007)

BIRDS OF A FEATHER
The media rarely deride
A President on the same side:
For the faithful defender
Of their social agenda,
They’re willing to let some things slide.
(1998)

THE JOURNALIST
In the past, he was forced to “pay dues”
And develop “a nose for the news.”
Well, he still has a nose,
But, my, how it grows
When the facts must conform to his views!
(1996)

INSTANT ANALYSIS
Jennings, Rather, Brokaw
Seem determined to jabber and jaw.
They think we’re too dumb
To discern the outcome
Of the campaign debate we just saw.
(1991)

Last week’s limerick

BAD END
In a limerick, it’s a crime
If the last line doesn’t rhyme
With the first and the second,
But I say, what the heck! and
Epstein didn’t kill himself.



  • Nov 11 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: BAD END

BAD END
In a limerick, it’s a crime
If the last line doesn’t rhyme
With the first and the second,
But I say, what the heck! and
Epstein didn’t kill himself.

From the archive

HEDGE FUND
Epstein’s service is access to kids
And it all is recorded on vids:
Jeffrey’s “friends” soon know
There’s a quid pro quo,
And they do whatever he bids.
(2019)

INCOMPLETE LIMERICK
You may think that I’m pulling a prank,
But I’m trying my best to be frank:
In my search for a rhyme
I have run out of time,
So you’ll just have to fill in the ___.
(2000)

Last week’s limerick

DISORIENTED
“Halloween, back in China, we knew
To ask some costumed kids, ‘Who are you?’
Though it’s plain as can be
That they’re dressed up as Xi,
They might say that they’re Winnie the Pooh.”

  • Nov 04 / 2019
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Your Weekly Politickle: DISORIENTED

Feel free to publish, post, or pass on Your Weekly Politickle by F.R. Duplantier:

DISORIENTED
“Halloween, back in China, we knew
To ask some costumed kids, ‘Who are you?’
Though it’s plain as can be
That they’re dressed up as Xi,
They might say that they’re Winnie the Pooh.”

From the archive

TOO MUCH WINNIE
Xi Jinping likes to act like he’s tough,
But his bluster is nothing but bluff:
He’s a dictator who
Is frightened by Pooh!
Who’s afraid of a bear stuffed with fluff?
(2018)

BROKE IN CHINA
Though they say that we owe them much debt,
They discount intellectual theft:
Just subtract what they stole,
We’ll be paid up in whole –
With a deficit due from them left.
(2018)

CHINESE BANDITS
We are told that our nation’s in debt
And our balance of trade is upset,
But our deficit’s swollen
Because China has stolen
All American goods it could get.
(2012)

CHINA PATTERN
“We will tar fossil fuels as ‘unclean,’
Promote other resources as ‘green.’
There’s a catch, which, of course, is
That those greener resources
Are controlled by our red war machine.”
(2011)

THEY’RE PLAYING OUR SONG
Our nation is destined for grief
If our leader has no fixed belief
And conclusions are drawn
As to whose side he’s on
When China plays “Hail to the Chief!”
(1998)

BILL IN A CHINA SHOP
Campaign prospects are more sunny
When the coffer’s full of money.
Leave it to Bill
To fill the till
With money that is funny!
(1996)

RIADY OR NOT, HERE WE COME!
“Though funds that the DNC spent
Did arise in the Orient,
Our designs are disputable,
Lippo’s motives inscrutable —
Can you prove that we’re not innocent?”
(1996)

Last week’s limerick

TRIGGER TREAT
I had lots of ideas what to be,
But my costumes were all non-PC:
Halloween’s not so fun
When there’s so much to shun,
So I guess I’ll just dress up as me.

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