A Politickles Retrospective
Celebrate with champagne and hoorays
All three hundred and sixty-five days:
Every eve is like New Year
When you have the right who there
And your hearts are two fireworks ablaze.
It may be just the biggest lie ever,
Making saner sorts say, "Well, I never!"
But celebrities tweet it
And you have to repeat it
If you want to sound current and clever.
We went through a transitional stage
To get over a long-lasting rage:
Now that Jennifer Aniston
And her very last fan is gone,
We can enter a post-Rachel age.
"We do not want to deal with the rabble
And we cannot abide any babble:
We will hire an au pair,
Send our kids to day care,
'Cause we don't want to do more than dabble."
Though our Thanksgiving customs are charming,
Experts say one such custom is harming
Our environment and planet
And they may have to ban it:
This man-made, oven-based gobbler warming.
Yes, the killing of blacks has to stop,
But the person to blame's not a cop:
No, the one to put down
For the death of Mike Brown
Is his absent and disengaged pop.
If jihadis were really astute,
They would know Christians are resolute
And their vicious predations
Will inspire more vocations
In the Church that they dare persecute.
Open borders and mass immigration,
Racial riots and war:
That's what he has in store,
That's Obama's macabre "transformation."
"Whether Grimes, Tennant, Landrieu, or Nunn,
Durbin, Pryor, or Braley's the one,
Whether Kagan or Franken,
You can just fill the blank in:
You choose me when it's all said and done."
With the president under attack,
Every desperate Democrat hack
Drawing near to November
Finds it hard to remember
Anyone by the name of Barack.
When a voter votes multiple times
And is "punished" for multiple crimes
With a sentence commuted,
Are not others recruited
Likewise to vote multiple times?
It's not spread by mosquitoes or fleas,
Nor dispersed by a cough or a sneeze,
It's communicated by
The half-witted and sly:
The political kind of disease.
It's a simple, effective deceit:
Those called "racist" are doomed to defeat,
Yet the ones with most gall,
The most racist of all,
Are the liberal, pandering elite.
An alliance is subject to shift,
To eventual rupture and rift:
When this one special pact
Is irreparably cracked,
We will suffer from post-NATO drift.
Hillary, dillary, dork,
A senator from New York,
Secretary of State,
Bill Clinton's mate,
Female variant of an orc.
"Math made sense to me before,
Way back when I knew the score,
And it all added up
In my measuring cup.
Now I'm lost with Common Core."
How Obama will stutter and sputter
And act like his spine's made of butter!c Nine-Eleven draws near,
But there's nothing to fear
With our leader's firm grip on his putter.
Here is something we need to abolish:
The idea we must all go to college,
Squander four years or more,
Pile up debt at our door,
And gain little or negative knowledge.
"When the cop got to the scene,
He started acting mean.
Sure, I'm eight-foot-one
And a quarter ton,
But I'm just an unarmed teen!"
"Why offer them resistance
When they're way off in the distance?
Why risk our hides
By taking sides
If they're only killing Christians?"
Are your parents incredibly cruel?
Do they know youÕll be forced to eat gruel
And to sit still for hours
Under gargoyle-like glowers?
Are they making you go back to school?
"If the clowns in the Congress get brash,
We'll deny and delay, talking trash,
And we'll cover our trail
With a fanciful fail:
A conveniently timed hard-drive crash."
S/he was straight, s/he was bi, s/he was gay:
Openminded, s/he went any way,
Even trying out trans,
At last settling on sans,
Too exhausted for any more play.
"I went out and got drunk, had a ball.
Now I'm pregnant, my boss has the gall
To deny he's the one
Who should pay for my fun.
Don't I have any rights, after all?"
All the Devil's disciples deceive,
But just what do they hope to achieve?
Do they really not know
The last act of the show
Ends in triumph for those who believe?
How best might Bill's bimbos be tarred?
Which longstanding friends to discard?
What dumb do for her hair?
Which drab pantsuit to wear?
Hillary's choices were hardy har hard!
Hillary's running again, have you heard?
Nomination is hers, that's the word.
We could get in a pother,
But why even bother?
The woman's completely absurd.
"After me the law traduced,
After me the sword and noose,
The border strains,
After me all hell breaks loose."
"Though my comments may sometimes offend
And it seem I've gone off the deep end,
I'm determined to see
You live longer than me:
I'm your father and not just your friend."
The Pretender pretends he's a hero,
Not a flaming and fiddling Nero,
But he doesn't do squat
To make hot zones less hot:
Who would hail such a conjuring zero?
It was destiny, she knew it
And was certain she could do it:
Be the one to set precedent
As the first woman president,
But Obama beat her to it.
Infidelity's fêted as "hot"
And perversity, too, but they're not:
Find that person to love
Who is sent from above
And be true to the one that you've got.
The worst candidates money can buy
Are the ones psychopathically sly,
So inherently truthless,
They donÕt care when their countrymen die.
"Oh, you children are just gonna drool:
Today's entrˇe's a gray whole-grain gruel.
It's an extra-large glop
Of the savorless slop.
Don't you love eating lunches at school?"
On the day of the duel, he was glad,
That he'd chosen the weapon he had:,
Teleprompter for Barry.,
And his poor adversary?,
Just a shoulder-fired missile for Vlad.
Every year when they celebrate Earth,
The green socialists generate mirth,
Trying not to betray
The true aim of "Earth Day,"
Which from Pig Latin translates as "dearth."
Though they say it's a post-Christian time
And we follow a new paradigm,
There are martyrs galore,
More than ever before:
Christianity's now at its prime.
If you'd like to hang onto your job,
Not be branded a "bigot" or "snob,"
Then remember the truth
Is considered uncouth
And enrages the lavender mob.
"With the pope, I made such an impression
That he asked me to hear his confession.
I replied, with a nod,
'I'm related to God
And would gladly provide intercession.'"
You have covered some miles, we can tell,
And have left some impressions as well,
Your ego's inflated,
And you're way overrated:
You're entirely unbalanced, Michelle.
Biker Barry's passed inspection,
With horns, bells and light-reflection,
Neon helmet and scads
Of streamers and pads,
But he's going the wrong direction.
If you're in someone's home as a guest,
Try to see that your host is impressed:
Don't do anything wrong
And don't stay overlong
Or in anyway act like a pest.
All the teenagers think itÕs so great
That the minimum wage will inflate:
Pretty soon we will see
Just how happy theyÕll be
Unemployed at a much higher rate.
"In America, son, we will see
How the people enjoy liberty!"
"I'm glad papa is dead
And won't feel what we fled
Taking root in the Land of the Free."
Take the pledge and escape from its grip,
Nevermore from this moment a nip:
If you value your brain,
You must henceforth refrain
From the vile Mainstream Media drip.
"Look at me, everybody, I'm gay!
There, I've said it! Now, what do you say?
Are you shocked or offended?
Is your whole world upended?"
"How exciting. Now, please, go away."
Though the weather's not snowy or misty,
Traffic's backed up for miles and all twisty,
Trains can't get into town,
And the airport's shut down:
Who antagonized Governor Christie?
"Let's be careful, not 'waken' the sheep. It
Would be better if they stayed 'asleep.' It
Should be easy to quell them
If we constantly tell them,
'If you like your own faith,
you can keep it.'"
"I once had a daughter or son.
To this day, I don't know which one.
I later was wed.
Still, my first child is dead.
Please forgive me for what I have done."
Most unwelcome at the tees:
Caddies who have allergies.
It's a certain thing
When you start to swing
That they'll break out with a sneeze!
How he'll blame-shift, spin moonshine, and shirk
To avoid doing one lick of work!
After five years of grief,
Still remains an unqualified jerk.