A Politickles Retrospective
There were high points to Two-Thousand-Ten,
Forming memories recalled with a grin:
Yes, I had me some fun,
But I'm glad that it's done --
And I wouldn't go through it again.
This Christmas, I'm not being shy;
I want something no money can buy:
For our country to be
Always brave, always free,
Always true to our Father on high.
For another two years we are stuck
With our petulant President Puck,
But we've now got a fix
On his mischievous tricks,
And for Christmas we're having lame duck.
A student in junior high classes
Spotted several suspicious young lasses,
But the principal said
He was out of his head
And forbade him to wear x-ray glasses.
I remember with special delight
How each holiday had its own rite:
Now that commerce trumps living,
We skip over Thanksgiving
And start Christmas on Halloween night.
We showed up in our holiday best,
With the exception of one honored guest,
So the dinner was late
And we all had to wait
Because "Tom" was not properly dressed.
When I travel by air now and then,
The security staff wave me in:
I don't have to be scoped
Or publicly groped,
I just hand them a lewd 8x10.
"The election was pure devastation
And necessitates recalculation:
All my programs got panned
'Cause folks don't understand
How I'm trying to transform the nation."
"Our agenda aroused such objections
That we lost the dumb voters' affections,
But there's nothing to fear
When opponents appear
If you know how to steal the elections."
By the demons we all have been taunted
As unnatural powers were flaunted,
But the townsfolk will rout
And then drive the fiends out
Of the House on the Hill that is haunted.
When it heats up and lets out a scream,
My tea kettle releases some steam:
I'm committing a crime
By affecting the clime!
Does this seem just a little extreme?
When I have that low-down feeling
And my heart and head are reeling,
To save my day
I'll sip Earl Grey,
Orange Pekoe, or Darjeeling
"I'll oppose social revolution
And income redistribution,
I will take an ax
To the federal tax
And adhere to our Constitution."
Having taken it on the chin,
All the RINOs are packing it in:
They'd rather abstain
Than actively deign
To help Tea Party candidates win.
"There is nothing the voters won't buy
If the sales pitch is suitably sly:
I could easily sell
Them all homesteads in Hell
If I just keep repeating the lie."
The election's just two months away,
But it's hard to endure the delay:
How we long for a rout
And the bums all thrown out!
How we wish we were voting today!
Without work or an income instead,
There's no way to provide daily bread,
Unless friends in high places
Supply manna and graces
To keep you and your family fed.
They abstain from Palmolive and Prell
And perform their ablutions pell-mell,
Neither soaking nor scouring
In their five-minute showering:
Now we know why some Englishmen smell.
Like a swaggering conquering hero,
Rauf is building a mosque at Ground Zero
-- Where some 3000 bodies
Were interred by jihadis --
And Obama just fiddles like Nero.
While the rest of us scrimp all the time,
She displays an indifference sublime:
Our First Lady, Michelle,
Does exceedingly well
As she travels the world on our dime.
In the backyard we broke out the bibs,
Fed our faces with barbecued ribs.
Now we're nursing the embers
And awaiting November's
Bacchanalia of barbecued Libs.
"We have lost the dumb voters' affection
But persist in our leftward direction,
'Cause they don't have the gumption
To resist our presumption
And we know how to rig an election."
I will trade you the Springtime in Spain
For the Autumn in Southern Ukraine,
And the Summer in Mali
For the Winter in Bali --
Plus September in Alsace-Lorraine.
When a brother has wandered astray,
Those who love him will show him the way;
Those who follow the fashion
Of corrupted compassion
Will assure him his sin is okay.
Poor Obama is losing support,
But he still has a sure last resort:
He can perpetrate strange
And perpetual change
Placing radicals on the High Court
If a human is hungry for strudel,
He can get some by using his noodle,
But his quest for confection
May result in rejection
If he paws like a poor, crazed sex poodle.
Someone opened a devilish door
Without caring what might lie in store:
Disconnected from "donors,"
Single mothers are loners
And their kids don't have dads anymore.
As our nation reacts to the Spill
And Obama decides not to drill,
Hugo Chavez, the sheiks,
And those climate-change freaks
Like Al Gore and Prince Charles are athrill.
To my loved ones I had to say bye
With the knowledge I might have to die:
Does that mean that I oughta
Spend six months underwater
With a guy with a gleam in his eye?
I survived at the front of the line,
But decided I had to resign:
From the front I came back
To confront an attack
From the cat in the cot next to mine.
Dining out and plan to grab
Lots of oysters, shrimp, and crab?
Remember the Spill
Has raised the bill:
Let your partner pay the tab.
With dispersants and skimmers and booms,
We'll contain the contaminate blooms,
Stop the Slick from Chicago
More toxic than Blago,
And avert the disaster that looms.
Yes, we try to be "part of the team,"
But we find ourselves wanting to scream
When what rose to the top --
So-called "cream of the crop" --
Is a rancid and foul sour cream.
There's no need for a war on terror.
Just say no to the c'est-la-guerrer.
Everything will be ducky
As long as we're lucky
And the terrorist makes an error.
Having rendered himself indistinct,
A Republican candidate finked,
And we now can take Crist
Off the endangered list,
'Cause this RINO's already extinct.
If it looks like a duck, it's a duck!
If it swims like a duck, it's a duck!
Is the question instead,
Is Obama a Red?
If it quacks like a duck, it's a duck!
How he'll flatter, fawn, and fuss,
Make himself obsequious!
To tyrants alone
The man is prone:
Never will he bow to us.
Olson says a square is round,
Half an ounce is twice a pound,
Two o'clock is ten,
Men can marry men,
And the sky is underground.
In the end and come what might,
Climate changers may be right:
In the depths of hell,
Where such liars dwell,
Things can get real hot all right!
What can make the pain grow, essential care deny,
Snuff out everyone and make the gurneys pile up high?
ObamaCare, ObamaCare can.
ObamaCare can 'cause it nixes right to life and makes the world less full.
If you want to get people believing,
Do not scrimp on the web you are weaving:
You're more apt to get by
With a really big lie
When you set out to practice deceiving.
Our Republic he will rearrange
And the rights of the people estrange:
Yes, it can happen here
And it's now all too clear
What Obama intended by "change."
If Pelosi can get enough votes
To shove health-care "reform" down our throats,
You can bet we'll remember
And cast votes in November
To be "reconciled" with Judas goats.
"Form a line, single file, if you will;
Remain quiet, attentive, and still;
And spare us the drama
As Dr. Obama
Dispenses this large bitter pill."
At the Winter Olympics, aghast,
All the skiers see someone fly past;
They're left out in the cold
As Obama gets gold:
No one's ever gone downhill so fast!
With the waning of warming pretense
Putting climate change on the defense,
Humbugs have a new hoax:
The world's threatened by jokes
Being made at the humbugs' expense.
For a year he continued to blow
As the nation was hunkered below:
For relief we all yearned
'Til the tables were turned
And Obama was buried in snow.
Yes, the current recession's severe
And there seems to be little to cheer,
But one day you'll look back,
See it wasn't so black Ð
'Cause it's bound to be worse in a year!
How Obama responded with glee
To a message as plain as can be:
"Voters put Coakley down
And elected Scott Brown
To affirm their approval of me!"
As the lavender lobby engages
To subvert Christian culture in stages,
They accuse us of hate
If we dare validate
Common sense and the wisdom of ages.
This past year has gone by in a blur
And Obama has lost his allure,
But he's yet to be thwarted
And is just getting started:
Three more years of this glib saboteur!
"With security lapses reviewed
On Flight 253, we conclude:
Due to differing beliefs
About bombs in one's briefs,
Every passenger now must fly nude."